Sorta Cinderella: xxxNote Chronicles style
by O'chibi-brat
Summary: Whereas Kurochan is a prince and L his princess. Gasp! Fai is the wicked stepsister! NOT CRACK! A crossover, Tsubasa dominating. NOT a Tsubasa AU. Contains slight yaoi with Kurofai, LLight, LxB, Dounuts, Syaosaku, and MelloxNear
1. The Unnecessary Prologue

A/N: This is my first time ever writing for this site, mostly to improve my skills as an author, so please critique me as you see fit. Flames will be enjoyed. Hit me, baby!

BTW, has anyone noticed how L looks like a dark, morbid version of Fai? They're equally strange, and have basically the same haircut and body type…I was planning on him being the original Fai (as opposed to the Yuui Fai we know), but decided the concept was too strange for this story. I might come back to it later…

Most of this is reintroducing the Death Note cast. If you already know it, you can probably get away with skipping to the 3rd person scene, though I'd rather you read all of it.

So without further ado, please enjoy my version of Sorta Cinderella!

Warnings: Language, Kurofai, Douwata, RaitoxL, MxN

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, Tsubasa, Card Captor Sakura, or xxxHolic. I also don't own Fruits Basket…I doubt I'd want to. All the expectations…brrrrrr!!!!

...............................................................................prettydotslalala......................................................................

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a…

Wait! I'm starting off on the wrong foot here. Hang on…okay. That was wrong because this 'Once upon a time' was far too modern for such a phrase as that, and the land wasn't so much as far away…as simply not being _here_. It isn't even in this dimension. Don't understand? Don't care.

Maybe I should introduce myself first. My name is Mello. What kind of name is Mello, you ask? An alias. What, you thought I was going to give out my real name to complete strangers who could very well be sick, psychotic serial killers? Hah!

I live in a boring, modern town in a boring, modern country in this boring, modern world. I go to a boring, modern school complete with boring, modern teachers. Unfortunately, I have the ultimate displeasure to report that my fellow classmates are not so boring and modern.

My best friend, Matt, isn't so strange, I suppose. Well, there's the fact that he chose such a normal sounding name like Matt for an alias. Even his real name is more interesting than Matt. Another lame quirk of his is his obsession with video games. He always seems to be in the middle of one. That's pretty strange…no? You do the same? So you play with handhelds when in the middle of a lecture or a test? Delinquent. The sad part is that he maintains a 3.5 average. I personally think he's jury-rigged that game boy so he can cheat somehow. And how does he manage to hide his gaming from the teachers?! Gah! So Annoying! The stupid, red haired, goggle-faced freak! If it weren't for my grades being slightly better, I'd hate him!

Then there's bratty Near. I can't stand him, the little albino punk! He makes better grades than me, straight frickin' A's, even though he's only 14. He's skipped three grades, which is why I have the irritation of sharing some of my classes with him. He's pretty quiet, though. If it weren't for his creepy snow-white hair, you'd never notice you shared a class with the guy. That doesn't keep him from being a jerk to _me_ though. Just don't ask me how, I can't explain. He's that sneaky.

Sakura is a pretty sweet girl-too sweet. The way her short auburn hair frames her sweet round face, and her sweet jade eyes sparkle sweetly in the sunlight, I can sweetly say something is wrong with this sweet. Why else would she be dating bratty, plain Syaoran? With an average face complete with brown hair and eyes, I can't see the attraction. I'm much hotter, that's for sure. The kid also has an attitude the size of a hippo. Just because I put a frog down Sakura's shirt in the 7th grade (4 years ago!) he decides I'm a menace to society and acts like a bodyguard whenever I come around. And Sakura likes it when he's overprotective! That is weird, right?

Tomoyo, Sakura's best friend, is obsessive. By obsessive, I mean she only gives a damn about Sakura, clothes, and videos, and by that I don't mean she likes buying clothes and movies. No, she makes clothes (usually for Sakura) and records videos (of Sakura). She's a pretty girl, with long, wavy black hair and gray eyes, but is too busy with her friend to worry about a boyfriend. I suspect that she's bi, but you didn't hear that from me. She's definitely stranger than the brat and his girl, but since I'm not the one being harassed, it's cool with me.

No, the strangest one in the entirety of the junior class is by far one Kimihiro Watanuki, born April 1st, in case you couldn't guess. When first met, he may not seem too strange. Feathery black hair, pretty dark blue eyes that at times seem lavender, slender limbs and feminine shape, his girlyness is his only crime at first glance. And no, I'm not crushing on him, ya damn fan girls. Anyway, later on you notice how he's fine one minute and about ready to barf the next. He calmly walks in his strange way down the street, then tenses and starts running like the devil is behind him. He seems to talk to himself a lot, but you can tell when he raises his voice ('Just leave me the hell alone, already!') that he's seeing something no one else can. His reactions are actually pretty comical to watch. I personally didn't believe in the paranormal when I first noticed his abnormalities, so I had been pretty sure he was a loon…not so much anymore.

Then there's me, Mello, the babe-a-licious blonde with a kick-ass attitude, only true loves being chocolate of nearly all forms and L, my idol. Oh, sweet L, to breathe the same air as you, my love! Um…I meant that platonically, of course. What? Who is L? You mean, you don't know?! He's only the smartest person on the face of the planet!

After graduating at age 10, L went on to be the number one detective in the world. He never really mastered the art of socializing though, so his guardian decided his social skills might improve if L went to school with his own age group, allowing him to be an armchair detective on the side (L still skips school sometimes to be on-scene. He's no armchair detective). Now, I admit that L might be a bit strange, what with his odd habits and all, but I really can't see him any other way. Sure, he can't go a full half hour without eating something sweet, but neither can I. Sugar boosts brainpower, which is one very good reason why I eat chocolate all the time. You think that's strange? You're one of the dumb ones, then.

Well, the way he slumps while walking is also odd, as well as the way he crouches to sit…but it helps him think! The guy is a genius; of course he's going to be different. It makes him more wonderful! I admittedly have never talked to him before, so most of this is just conjecture and overheard conversations he bothered to partake in, but…hmm? What do you mean by lovesick loser?! I don't get many chances to talk to him, what with him always being preoccupied, so I am by no means a lovesick loser! There are loads of excuses, all realistic!

Unfortunately, this flower in the desert has a disgusting weed growing nearby by the name of Raito Yagami. That's his real name. Have at, serial killers. With light brown hair and eyes, a pretty boy face, and brains that _almost_ rival L's, he's got lots of fans. It somehow pisses me off. Still, it's pretty obvious he's power hungry. He likes being boss, and I used to think he hated L because of that _almost_ previously stated. I know for a fact that he's always burned with jealousy towards his alleged rival (and no, that sounds nothing like me!). L doesn't exactly help things by teasing him the way he does, but since he sees Raito as a friend, despite Raito's scathing comments, I guess it's all good fun.

Beyond Birthday, on the other hand, is a much harder problem. Serial killers, stand down. Otherwise, you might end up dead. Remember when I said Tomoyo was obsessed with Sakura? That was like a schoolgirl crush or a fan girl in the same room with her favorite celebrity. B, on the other hand, is…well…I doubt there's a comparison. B apparently really likes L. Platonic, romantic, I don't know, but definitely psychotic. The creep likes him so much, he's trying to become him.

L is pale with feathery dark hair that nearly reaches his shoulders, very messy and unkempt with many layers. He has dark bags under his eyes due to him being an insomniac, which makes him look slightly cute and panda-ish.

To resemble L, B actually puts make-up on his entire body to look pale, puts eye shadow under his eerie red eyes, purposely messes up his greasy black hair (which may be dyed, by the way), and copies all of L's unique, adorable mannerisms in a sinister fashion. Though a bit gothic, L seems so carefree and innocent most of the time. I've actually seen his eyes chase a butterfly during lunch once when Raito was trying to pick a fight (again). B? Nothing sweet about him. He's a creepy stalker. L either always ignores him or is just too busy to notice or care, though, so let's move along, shall we?

Pretty boy Raito has many fans, god only knows why, but one fan stands up above all others. Misa Amane, age 18, is quite clearly infatuated with the self-absorbed jerk. With her long, blonde hair and pretty blue eyes, she could have nearly any guy in school, and she chooses one of the very few who just don't give a damn. She isn't the brightest crayon in the box. I would almost feel sorry for her if she didn't make herself look stupid all the time. Raito likes challenges far too much to go out with someone who makes the hook-up so easy. Few girls would be a challenge for Raito, and the few that would he probably wouldn't like enough to bother trying to pursue. It must be mass hypnosis, making a jerk like that popular.

Raito has some fan boys too, one of which being Matsuda. Matsuda is a bit pathetic. I don't mean to be mean, but…well, yeah I do. Matsuda's main goal in life is to hear Raito call him his best friend. That's just sad, really. Well, at least he's mostly normal, unlike some other people mentioned.

All of these weirdoes ended up in my Honors English class, along with Kyouga and Takaki, two boys who really aren't important to the story, and will rarely be mentioned. I just have one last person to introduce before we can get on with the story.

Yuuko Ichihara, age unknown. Occupation: English teacher. Hair: Black, long and straight. Eyes: lavender. Height: tall. Bust: big. Fashion sense: flashy. Bedside manner: none. Attitude: problematic.

A very confusing woman, she and L hit it right off the bat. With her infuriating ability to tease anyone and anything, the two of them are a force to be reckoned with. But that's a story for another time. This time, the story is about how a world can be turned completely upside down by a mere whim from this one scary lady.

_Switch to 3__rd__ Person_

"Alright, class. I'm sure you'll all be happy to hear that I've decided its far too much trouble for you to have to decide what you want to do for the end-of-year project, so I, being the generous gem that I am, have decided for you. We're going to put on a play."

As soon as she had first walked in front of the class with a Cheshire Cat grin, the small class of 14 students knew whatever she had to say couldn't be good. Surprised by the rather normal turn of events, many teens prayed she had nothing more to add to that.

"Miss Yuuko?" Sakura raised her hand. "Have you also decided what play we will be performing?" Mello, who really didn't want to know, muttered something about idiot girls not being able to keep their mouths shut, earning him a heated glare from Syaoran, who could hear him clearly from behind.

"Yes!" Miss Yuuko stood tall, eyes gleaming. "It will be Cinderella – Shakespeare style!"

A pause spread throughout the classroom. Kyouga, a dark haired man with a tanned complexion, was the first to build enough courage to ask what most were thinking. "What exactly do you mean by Shakespeare?"

Grin spreading even more, she answered his question with one of her own. "What were one of the rules of the theatre, back in old Willie's day?" The class looked stumped. "Women weren't allowed in the theatre until much later, so men had to play the female characters."

No one dared breathe.

"I knew, of course, that very few of you would volunteer to play a girl, so I also chose the cast." She turned to the board with a dry erase marker and wrote the following:

_Cast:_

_Announcer- Matsuda_

_Squire-Syaoran_

_Neighboring Prince-Watanuki_

_Evil Stepsister- Takaki_

_Evil Stepmother- Mello_

_Prince Charming- Kyouga_

_Fairy Guardian- Raito_

_Cinderella- L_

_Help:_

_Scriptwriter- Near_

_Costume Designers-Misa, Sakura, Tomoyo_

_Set- Beyond, Matt_

Looking at the cast, there were many diverse reactions. Takaki merely raised an eyebrow, Kyouga looked horrified at playing opposite L, Raito was secretly glaring at Kyouga, jealous that he got chosen to play the prince, Mello buried his face in his arms and pretended to be elsewhere, after realizing just who he was going to play-bully, Beyond had a creepy smirk on his face, and L…

Well, L was eating his lemon cake and working a mystery from his notebook, so he either didn't realize he was going to play a fairytale princess, or didn't care. Knowing L, it was the latter.

"And no switching parts!" Yuuko smiled, apparently very pleased with herself.

_Mello Narration_

And that's how the adventure started. Man, I couldn't believe I was going to be L's wicked stepmother! It was by no means the best way to get closer to my idol. I really felt at a loss as to what to do. And Near _knew _I idolized him! What was worse, he felt the same. Being the scriptwriter, I was positive that Near wouldn't waste such a great opportunity to make me look bad. This was gonna be hell.

Well, now that you've been introduced to my messed up schoolmates and equally messed up school life, you probably want to know about that whole alternate dimension thing I mentioned earlier. Yeah, this is sucky narrating, but I don't see another narrator, so deal.

It's my understanding that there are many different versions of our world. In each dimension, there is a different version of every human. While I'm completely awesome here, I might very well be a complete loser elsewhere, though I doubt it. After all, all of my other selves share the same soul, and my soul just doesn't have what it takes to be a loser.

How do I know all this, you ask? It was all explained to me by four strangers, two of which I somehow felt I had met before.

A/N: And that's the first chapter! Did the characters seem out of character to you? I tried to keep them realistic, but it's sort of hard, especially with Mello. Why, oh why did I narrate with someone so difficult! I guess I just felt like being Mello. At least he's easier than L. Also, do you see any mistakes that need fixing?

Next Chapter: CRASH! Enter the Tsubasa Crew!


	2. CRASH! Enter Tsubasa!

A/N: The plot finally begins! YAY!!!!!

Sorry if I drag on with details sometimes. Tell me if I am.

Also, I'm sorry to confess that I don't quite know what writing style I'm good at, so I'm going to be experimenting. Mello isn't narrating this chapter.

In case its not obvious, this is set before Fai becomes a vampire, but after piffle princess.

I actually just reedited this, combining chapters two and three. My chapters are about to get much longer, and only reviews make me move faster! Please motivate me!

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own any of CLAMP'S work, or Death Note or Fruits Basket. If I did, I'd be much richer and have bald spots. I don't think I have bald spots, so…

Please review, and I shall answer!

………………………………………so pretty!!!!!!!!!!…………………………………

Our travelers weren't faring too well. The four of them, along with their guide ("Mokona Modoki, but you can call me Mokona for short!"), were anxiously running, escaping the wrath of a giant, fire-breathing bunny.

No, you didn't misread.

It's actually almost funny, looking back. It all started with an adorable, innocent-looking bunny (of no relation to our Mokona), who happened to be able to talk (still no relation), spotting an enormous tree amongst many other abnormal trees in the enchanted forest where bunnies could talk and mushrooms could sing and termites could dance and beetles had a marching band and…I'm getting off-track, aren't I?

Anyway, the little bunny, upon seeing a lovely feather in its majestic branches, requested that his dear friend, Mr. Crow, fetch it. You can guess what happened when he touched it. Mr. Crow fetched, Mr. Crow absorbed, and Mr. Crow turned into a bad egg. Then our gang came along and defeated him, only to lose the feather to a very innocent-looking, very power-hungry bunny, which proceeded to grow claws, an unhealthy bit of height, and the ability to breathe fire. It became bunnyzilla, basically.

Even then, they would've been fine if Kurogane hadn't opened his tactless mouth about what an ugly bunnyzilla it made. It turns out Mr. Bunny was very sensitive about it's cuteness.

Now that you're caught up, let's continue.

"Kuro-pu made him sssssoooooooo maaaaaadddddd!!!!!" Fai seemed unaffected by the scary, long-eared abomination shaking the earth behind him.

"Kurogane-chan is a mean, mean person!" Mokona, resting safely on Fai's shoulder, joined in.

"Shut up! How was I supposed to know he'd take it so offensively?" Another blast of flames were heading their way. "Besides, it was the truth!" Kurogane used his sword as a fan to block the flames from hitting the kid and princess running in front of them.

"Awwww…Kurogane-chan doesn't understand animals at all…" Feigning sadness, Mokona hopped from Fai's shoulder to Kurogane's, to further the harassment.

"But, y'know…" Fai started.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I don't want to!"

"I was just going to say that there are probably lots of ways a bunny who weighs around ten tons and breathes fire could be beneficial to a person."

"…I know I'm going to regret asking this, but how?"

Syaoran, whilst running full-speed with Sakura's hand in his, contemplated how it was the two men running behind him could talk in such calm tones about the silliest of things while being chased by a giant monster.

"You know," Fai continued. "You'd never have to cook again, camping trips would be a snap, he'd be a great blanket in cold weather, missed busses wouldn't be a problem, and if ever we encountered a world where digital, pocket, or Dual Monsters were real, we'd have a top ranking monster from the start! Wouldn't that be great?"

Ah! Now Syaoran remembered! Fai was insane. It's funny how he only realized that during times of crisis. At least they had Kurogane to be a responsible adult.

"Hmm…you actually have some good points, for once." Kurogane grudgingly stated.

If it weren't for Sakura's hand in his, he would've planted his face in the dirt.

"Of course, being the idiot you are, you forget the inconveniences of it as well."

"Such as?"

"Such as the fact that it's a giant, fire-breathing rabbit! Why am I even talking to you, anyway?" He picked up his pace, now trying to outrun Fai as well as Mr. Bunnyzilla.

It wasn't long, however, until they were stuck between three badly placed rocks and a huge set of teeth, leaving nowhere to run. Syaoran took to guarding the energized Sakura, whereas Kurogane started flashing his sword, Mokona still on his shoulder, at the beast. Fai, who remained without a weapon, not including the magic he was _not_ going to use, proceeded to move in his languid, flowing fighting style to land some hits that may have been less effective than the bunny would have let it seem. (1)

It was then that the bunny decided to goad them into joining him.

"Come, now! Do you really want to hurt me?" His voice became baritone. "Why, with this new power of mine, I could help give you all the things you desire! I could probably even bring the dead back to life. I can be your go-ack!" He was silenced by a well-placed kick from one miffed Fai-san.

Getting annoyed with the mage, the monster bunny decided to get rid of him first (his kicks HURT, damn it!). Kurogane saw him aim his paws for the blonde on the ground. There was no time for Fai to move out of the way, especially when he was distracted. (2) Kurogane briefly wondered what had caused him to get that faraway look in his eyes, then decided now wasn't the time to care. He jumped as high as his shinobi skills could get him, and for one sick second, he was sure he wouldn't make it. He ran his blade through the monster's chest, the creature's claws stopping just in front of Fai's face.

"Wow, Kuropon! One more second and I would've had one massive split headache!" Fai didn't look scared in the least, smile remaining in place.

"Hmph!" Kurogane didn't know why, but something about what just happened didn't sit right with him, and the mage's grin seemed more annoying than usual. Thinking it best to ignore the pain in the pit of his stomach (he was rather dense, wasn't he?), he watched as Syaoran gave Sakura her feather back. Mokona, sensing no more feathers in that dimension, opened the portal and proceeded to swallow everyone to someplace new. It was time to hit the road-

'CRASH!'

-which is exactly what they did.

That was the sound of two cars smashing themselves into each other to avoid hitting four strangely dressed weirdoes who came out of nowhere in the middle of a four-way, and as we all know, one good crash deserves another. And another…and another…

Okay, these people were obviously mentally challenged. You'd think they'd have started putting on their brakes when they first heard 'CRASH!' but apparently not.

Sakura's eyes widened painfully in her head upon witnessing the mayhem they unintentionally wrought upon the assumingly peaceful citizens.

"Umm…maybe we should…go…" Syaoran looked outright panicked.

Fai was too preoccupied watching Kurogane to hear him, and Kurogane, apparently, was too busy finding the mayhem quite amusing, if his smirk was any clue.

It wasn't until they all heard someone shout for somebody with a cell to call the police that they found that they could run. And run they did, straight to the local park.

"Well! That was exciting!" Sakura sounded only partially sarcastic, gasping for breath.

"Is it just me, or have we had to do a ridiculous amount of running today?" Syaoran inquired, hands on his knees.

"It's not just you." Mokona, now resting on Syaoran's shoulder, looked particularly put out, incurring the wrath of one annoyed ninja.

"What the hell are you looking put out for?! You didn't even have to run!"

"It's sympathy pains, another of Mokona's 108 secret techniques!"

"Aww, Mokona, that is so sweet of you!" Kurogane didn't fail to notice that Fai wasn't sweating in the least, either. "Isn't that sweet of him, Kuro-daddy?" Fai latched onto Kurogane's arm, at his utmost distress, and the ninja responded colorfully in kind.

Ignoring the antics of the two older men, Syaoran turned to Mokona, still resting on his shoulder.

"Do you sense a feather in this world, Mokona?"

"Mokona does sense one! And it's nearby!"

"Can you tell where, exactly?"

"Nope, not until Mokona gets closer!"

"Oh…" Syaoran tried not to sound too disappointed, especially when he had such a great lead. "Well, then. Should we split up and meet back here?"

They all agreed, splitting in two groups. Syaoran, Sakura, and Mokona headed one way, whilst Kurogane was reluctantly dragged the other way by Fai.

………………………………………………….dotdotdot………………………………

After entering many shops and passing many street signs, Kurogane had all but given up on finding any leads in the city. Of course, going off to look for the thing without someone who could sense the feather's whereabouts to begin with seemed stupid.

Upon entering a gas station, Kurogane turned to tell Fai it was past time to turn back, when he felt a gun's barrel in his back.

"Put your hands above your head, and no one will be harmed."

...well, wasn't THIS lovely?

"Didn't you hear me? I said, 'put your hands above your head'!"

Kurogane didn't know much about guns. Heck, he didn't know anything about guns. All he knew of them was the brief bit he saw when they entered a warring world, and they seemed awful cowardly to him.

Obviously, this didn't help his mood in the slightest, so he did the logical thing and bashed the masked man upside the head. Then, in a temperament suiting a nine year old, proceeded to throw the heavy gun at the man's partner, who was only just starting to aim his gun at the ninja, knocking him out.

Feeling slightly better, he grabbed Fai's sleeve and yanked him out the door, heading back the way they came. He might've been sympathetic towards the shopkeeper and done more some other time, but not now. They had somehow ended up in a bad part of town, and Kurogane was NOT in the mood to stay there.

"Wow, Kuro-koi! I'm proud of you. You didn't even shout at them."

Startled, Kurogane looked back at the mage. He had been so caught up in his internal ranting, he forgot the other man was even there. He also forgot that the man's sleeve was still in his grip, causing both of them to fall when he misplaced his foot, landing both of them on the cool cement of the sidewalk.

Kurogane just laid there for a moment, wondering what else could possibly go wrong. Seriously, he was a ninja, yet the smallest little surprise sent him sprawling to the ground like some klutzy novice? What could make his day any worse?

"Kuro-myuu, I don't particularly mind being in your arms, but wouldn't you rather do this sort of thing somewhere more private?"

Ahh. Plenty, apparently. And to think, it was only early afternoon.

"Get off!" Kurogane shoved the mage off of him with a little more force than necessary and stood up. "God, what the hell have I done to deserve this shit?"

"Aww, I'm sure its not all that bad…"

"Like hell its not! Lately it's just been one freaking mess after another, and all we have to do is be there! Seriously, we've got to be cursed or something!"

"Cursed, huh…" Fai's eyes grew dim once again, as if remembering something he'd rather not, though his smile remained. It was an annoying habit Kurogane wished to rectify.

"What the hell're you looking so spaced for?"

"Hmm?" Fai snapped out of his trance-like state.

"Before. You looked like your favorite dog died or something."

"Silly Kuro-mu! I've never had a dog!"

"Gah! You know what I mean!"

"If I knew what you meant, I'm afraid I wouldn't be asking in the first place." He said this slowly, as if talking to a small child.

"Whatever!" Kurogane barked. "Let's just go before we get riddled with something else."

And go they went. But Kurogane wasn't about to forget what just happened, and Fai knew it.

…………………………………………………dotdotdot…………………………………

They were surprised to find that Syaoran and Sakura had already come back, and seemed to have been waiting around for a bit.

"Fai-kun's back! Kurogane-chan's back! Yay!!!!!" Obviously, Mokona was very happy that the gang made it back together without incident. So happy, in fact, that he decided to do a jig on Kurogane's head, much to his consternation.

"We didn't have any luck whatsoever downtown." Kurogane snorted at Fai's understatement. "Did you?"

"Actually, yes!" Syaoran noticed the especially foul mood his mentor seemed to be in and gave an asking glance to Fai, who just smiled comfortingly, nodding for him to continue.

"Umm…Mokona sensed a feather in the vicinity of the local high school."

"Mokona thinks Syaoran-kun and I should go undercover and learn of its whereabouts, but…" Sakura looked slightly worried.

"You're going incognito? That sounds so cool!" Sakura smiled, Fai's enthusiasm catching.

"It wouldn't be so glamorous as that. We'd just act as we are. You and Kurogane-san, on the other hand, would have to pose as our guardians…"

"So we'd just act as we are."

Sakura giggled. "In a nutshell." Mokona, bored with being ignored by Kuro-stupid, jumped in.

"Alright! Project 'Infiltrate Suspicious High School' is a go!"

Oh, if only Kuro-stupid had stopped being stupid long enough to realize that the feeling in his gut was a warning. A warning that his bad luck had truly only just begun.

........................................wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...................................................................

So, what do you think so far? Please review and critique!

Next Chapter: Operation Infiltration! Kuro-chan's a prince?!


	3. Clampobian Rhapsody

This chapter is a little-well, a lot longer than the ones previous. Consider it an apology for taking so long. I had to escape the aliens...

I kind of rushed it, so tell me parts I need to fix. I probably overlooked them...

I do not own! Betcha thought I did! You did, didn't you? No? Aw, well...

By the way...Happy New Years!!!

* * *

In another part of town, there was a lovely little Japanese-like house sitting in a small lot surrounded by skyscrapers and office buildings. The house itself looked rather odd considering it's surroundings, seeming very out of place. Most people passing by the home probably wouldn't have given it a second glance, as it was a miniscule structure in the midst of larger ones, but for those who did, it reeked of a strange aura, mystery's essence. Anyone who looked at the house - actually looked at it - somehow sensed that the owner must be a very strong and powerful creature, for no aura of this nature could possibly belong to a human, now could it?

Thankfully, few people did notice the home, so the inhabitants, who were, assumingly, very human, lived in peace. Sort of…

"Watanuki! Is dinner ready yet? I'm starving!"

"Of course it's not ready! You just asked me to start _three minutes ago_!" The banging of dishes could be heard from the kitchen clear to the living room.

" But I'm hungry!"

"Yuuko-san, you just ate teacakes!"

"What about sake?"

"GAH!"

Watanuki chose to grumble to himself rather than continue trying to talk sense into his adopted mother. Well, she was _supposed_ to be his mother. Ever since he first came to live with her, he'd done just about everything a housekeeper would do. He suspected her of having chosen to take him in for the sole reason that he could actually cook and clean. He supposed he should be grateful, but he was never the patient type unless the person in question was cute or sincere. Yuuko happened to be neither of these things. Only one other person could push him further over the proverbial edge, but…well, he wasn't around anymore.

But, God! Watanuki would commit suicide with a pencil before he ever admitted to missing the lout! There was no way he missed him! The only one he regretted moving away from was his sweet Himawari-chan!

_Oh, Himawari-chan…_

"What're you doing?"

"GAH!" Watanuki was pulled out of his reverie by Yuuko, who was currently seated on the kitchen counter.

"You already said that." Yuuko's mouth twisted into a teasing smirk. "Gee, Watanuki. Keep doing that and I might start thinking you don't like me."

"Then don't sneak up on me!"

"I've been here a while."

"Huh?"

"The meat is burning."

"GAH!" Watanuki quickly pulled the skillet from the stove and set it in the sink. Thankfully, Yuuko was wrong. It hadn't been burning - yet. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

"I figured you had it under control."

"You're horrible!"

Yuuko sighed. "You make it sound like I'm a wicked stepmother or something," she pouted.

"Well, now that you mention it, I do seem to have a lot in common with Cinderella-san." He began chopping carrots and celery. "Why that play of all things, anyway?"

That question seemed to cheer her right out of her phony depression. "So you do care!"

"No, I don't!"

As if he hadn't spoken, she continued. "I had really wanted to do it for the culture festival, but my homeroom was less than inspiring, and they seemed so intent on that tacky coffee shop. So, I decided I'd have my favorite English class perform it instead." Her mouth quirked into her infamous grin. "End of story."

"Oh? So then, why do it 'Shakespeare Style'?" Watanuki already knew why, but he decided to ask anyway.

"Well…" Yuuko smirked mischievously. "I am an English teacher. I figured learning more about the Shakespearean period would be fun."

"So this has nothing to do with your newfound interest in yaoi?" His eyes narrowed skeptically.

"Oh, dear. Caught red-handed." She sighed in false defeat.

"Whatever." His annoyed voice was barely heard as he put the vegetables into the sizzling pan of grease. "I'm just glad you didn't make me Cinderella, or any other female character for that matter. L-kun seemed to take it fairly well, though…"

"Isn't he the sweetest?" She squealed. "I've never met such a darling man before."

It was his turn to smirk. "You sure? I figured no one could beat out your precious Clow Reed-san."

The death glare was expected, but Watanuki failed to prepare himself for the full brunt of it. "I'm sorry." She began in an overly sweet tone. "I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"

"Umm…I'm happy I'm not the only L fan?"

"That's what I thought."

"Augh, anyway, wouldn't you rather he play the prince, if you like him so much?"

"No. This is exactly as it should be."

Watanuki blinked. Her suddenly serious tone caught him off guard. He'd only heard her speak that way on rare occasions, and had learned from experience that it was best to listen carefully to her when she did.

"Hitsuzen, again?"

"Hitsuzen, again."

* * *

The travelers weren't faring too well the following morning. Normally early risers, they couldn't seem to make themselves crawl out of bed. By the time they all reached the coffee shop next to their hotel to go over their plan, it was past eight o'clock.

"Okaaay," Syaoran slurred sleepily. "So Sakura-hime and I will pose as high school students to gain access to the school to search for the feather." He turned his sleep-deprived eyes on Kurogane. "Is that all?"

"Yeah." Kurogane glared at the annoyingly bright mage. "What the hell did we wake up so damn early for, anyway? It's not like this is some complex scheme."

"Au contraire, Kuro-woof," Fai beamed. Did he ever get tired? "There is an extensive amount of preparing to be done."

"Like what?" Sakura asked.

"Like aliases."

"Umm…what?"

Exaggerating a sigh, he turned his eyes toward Heaven. "Am I the only one who understands?" Judging by the look on his companions' faces, he was. "If you're gonna do it, you gotta do it right!"

"Umm…right."

Fai pouted. "Come, now. Will you not cooperate with me? Do you not trust me?" As he said this, he leaned down towards the princess, tearing up his eyes and looking very much like a begging puppy.

Sakura gulped. Was this really a grown man? "Of course we trust you, Fai!"

"Good!" At that, he straightened up and replaced his sunny smile. "Then, as of this moment, Sakura shall be known as Aya!"

"Aya?"

"Yes, Aya!" He then dramatically pointed his finger at Syaoran. "And you will be Aki!"

Syaoran decided to speak up. "Umm…can I ask why you picked those names?"

"Cuz' they're cute." Fai said this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"In other words, you're being an idiot." Kurogane summarized.

"What, you don't like them?"

"No, Fai-san!" Sakura said. "They're great names. Right, Syaoran?"

"Right." Syaoran didn't see the big deal, anyway. It wasn't like they were permanently changing them or anything.

"So," Sakura began. "What else is there?"

Before they left the coffee shop that morning, they established along with their aliases their living conditions and past history. Mokona was going to pose as Sakura's backpack so he could tell where the feather was, which he was more than willing to do. Kurogane, feeling completely useless, polished off five cups of black coffee.

They headed to the school.

* * *

Kurogane's p.o.v.

"Horitsuba High School is a safe environment where kids can learn and have fun at the same time."

_God, listen to this man drag on. What the hell is so fun about a blasted school, anyhow?_

"We strive to keep it so, although it's really up to the students on whether or not our efforts are appreciated."

_And what's up with the hair? Are you a man or aren't you? God, what a pansy. Principal Ashura-sensei, the pansy-assed._

"Still, they're mostly good kids. I doubt your charges will have any trouble whatsoever in fitting in."

_Speaking of pansy asses, what's the mage's problem?_

The mage seemed to indeed have a problem. His smile looked more forced than usual when speaking to the long-haired principal.

_Whatever. Don't care._

"Now, I'm sure you kids are ready to start, so just ask Chi-san for your schedules on your way out. Have a nice day."

Kurogane, glad to be out of there, did his best not to scramble out in a most undignified manner. Upon exiting, Syaoran took it upon himself to walk up to the blond secretary.

"Hello, ma'am. Aya and I were told you had our schedules?"

"Ah! Yes, just a minute." The blonde, Chi-san, scrambled about her desk, searching for the correct papers. Kurogane wasn't paying too much attention to her. He found he was too annoyed with the fond look she had unwittingly received from Fai.

_Must've been the lecture. Coffee's worn off. _

"We're a bit overcrowded now, so a few of your classes will be the same despite the fact that you're related. Aha!" She proudly held up the documents she had been toiling over, then examined them. "The bell is about to ring for third period, which is English. You both have Ichihara-sensei. She's a lovely woman. I'm sure you'll love her. She'll be by here in a moment to show you to your class, if you'll wait out in the hall."

"Thank you." Syaoran and Sakura bowed in unison, then walked out to the hall with their two 'guardians'.

"Tell me again why we're going through this hell?" Kurogane asked.

"For Sakura, Kuro-myuu." Fai reminded him.

Sakura looked abashed. "Sorry." She mumbled weakly.

"How come, Sakura-chan? You and Syaoran-kun are the ones who are doing the real work."

"Don't forget about Mokona!" The creature, currently strapped to Sakura's back, was feeling rather left out in his acting as an inanimate object.

"Right, sorry." Fai giggled-he giggled! Kurogane frowned. There was something seriously wrong with a man that giggled.

"Pardon the interruption, but are you Aki and Aya Spearmont?"

…Spearmont? 'Aki' and 'Aya' blinked. Kurogane was taken aback as well. _What the hell kind of name is Spearmont?_ He looked over to the speaker only to find a face he wished he didn't know. Amethyst eyes, long, straight black hair, tall, curvy body, there was no mistaking it. This was Yuuko.

"Well?"

"Oh!" Syaoran was the first to snap out of it. "Yes. Yes we are. So, you're Ichihara-sensei?"

"Yesss…" Either Kurogane's ninja eyes were deceiving him or Ichihara-sensei was forming a fairly steady ticking on her right temple. "It would be for the best for both of us if you called me Miss Yuuko instead, though."

"Umm…okay, Miss Yuuko."

Miss Yuuko smiled, previous mood forgotten. "Great!" She then turned to the elder two of the group. "And you are their guardians, correct?"

Fai returned her smile with one of his own. "That's us! My name is Fai D. Spearmont, and this is my friend, Kurgy Black."

"It's Kurogane!"

"Well, Kurogane-kun, Fai-kun. would you happen to have any plans for the next hour?"

Fai thought for a moment. "No, not particularly. Why do you ask?"

Yuuko grinned, leaning toward the mage. It wasn't noticeable at first, but with her high heels, she was slightly taller than him. "As guardians, perhaps you would like to sit through the class? It would surely make the children more comfortable, wouldn't you agree?"

Fai's grin tightened. "I don't know, maybe-"

"Oh, don't be silly! It'll be fun!" As she said this, she backed off and gave a twirl, reminding Kurogane very much of the mage currently being victimized by it.

"Well…why not?" Fai smiled fully again. They really didn't have anywhere else to be, after all.

"Wonderful!" Yuuko squealed, grabbing 'Aya' by the hand and making her way down the hall.

Kurogane watched as Syaoran chased after them and Fai started to move behind them, only to notice he wasn't being followed. He looked back, tilting his head to the side curiously.

"Are you coming?"

Kurogane grunted, playing at ignoring the cute look the mage gave him.

_Why do I get the feeling the bad luck's not over yet?_

* * *

Light Yagami was currently distraught.

No, perhaps that wasn't quite the word that fit. Livid? Frustrated? Angry? Hmmm…

_Why the hell does Kyouga get to be L's prince, while I'm just the fairy guardian?!_

AHA! Jealous. Light Yagami was currently green with envy.

_It's not even that I'm jealous! I'm really not! But, Kyouga? He's a sucky actor! I could be a famous serial killer and get away with it solely on my acting! But, no! I get a freaking minor character! What the hell?! And where's the damn teacher?!_

"Light-kun?" A hesitant voice asked.

Turning towards the source, Light's actions went into automatic. Chocolate-brown eyes radiating pure innocence, he gave the girl a sweet, beautiful smile that would have had most any other person faint on the spot. Oh, wait. Misa Amane from three rows back just collapsed. Huh. "What is it?"

Sakura Kinomoto was startled to say the least. She'd actually come over to see if he was okay, seeing an aura not unlike depression emanating from him. Stumbling, she made up an excuse. "Did you see what was for homework in Biology? I missed it."

"…I haven't been in Biology for two years…"

"OH!" Sakura had forgotten that she was speaking to an upperclassman. "Right! Silly me!" She walked back to her desk in a flurry of motion.

…_Stupid girl…_

Light sighed. Why, oh why, did fate have to be so cruel? He wouldn't have minded so much on not being the prince, usually, but this was different…L was going to wear a dress. A dress! How could he miss out on that?

_I suppose I'll simply have to admire from afar…damn._

And as L entered the classroom, that's just what he did. He watched as L poured over an assortment of non-school related documents spread on his desk, completely enthralled. He was now glad that he'd relinquished his seat at the front to Near for a seat in the back. He could stare at L for as long as he wanted, without risk of being caught by anyone, except Beyond. He vaguely noticed that the creepy man was missing, but was too busy drooling to make anything of it.

As the classroom door opened, he quickly averted his eyes and wiped his chin, only to have it drop at the sight before him, along with nearly everyone else who had been paying attention.

Exact replicas of Sakura Kinomoto and Syaoran Li were standing in the doorway beside their teacher.

"Class, I would like you to meet Aya and Aki Spearmont. They're new here, so please be nice to them. Also, their guardians will be with us today, so try not to piss them off."

Mello, apparently ignoring the fact that she was looking at him when she said the last bit, raised his hand in a rare show of obedience.

"Yes, Mello-kun?"

"What do you mean, 'Yes, Mello-kun'?" Mello sneered. "They are identical to Brat #1 and his wife."

Sakura Kinomoto blushed. She was NOT Syaoran's wife…yet.

Light watched as his teacher looked between the two groups. Surely, even she would admit something strange was going on.

"Nah, they're nothing alike at all."

…_right._

"Now!" Yuuko started, then paused, looking confused. "Where are your guardians?"

"Sorry we're late!" A blond man came in, dragging a disgruntled looking man in black. "Kuro-pippi was a bit nervous, so we had to find a bathroom. He's fine now, though!"

"Damn it! Just shut up!" The dark-haired man moved to deck the blonde, who simply let go and moved towards the new kids.

"Alright!" Yuuko tried again. "Now that we're all here, let's get seating arrangements down. Since you're apparently Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun's twins-I don't see it- you can sit in the seats available behind them." After 'Aya' and 'Aki' moved into their seats, Yuuko reexamined the classroom. "Kurogane can sit beside Mello-kun - that's the blonde suffocating on the Hershey bar next to the red-headed geek playing a handheld. He's wearing the tight black leather with a rosary-"

"-Yeah, I get it!"

"Patience is a virtue." Yuuko smirked. Kurogane just glared and stomped to his seat, not noticing the amused glances being sent his way, either too busy being upset, or too occupied with trying to ignore yet another Tomoyo giving him a knowing smirk.

"Aaand…" Yuuko's eyes darted around, then she nodded to herself. "Fai can sit next to L."

L, apparently oblivious to anything that was going on, continued eating his strawberry cake-he always brought plenty in multiple lunch boxes stored in his locker- combination 47-80-20, don't ask how Light knows this- and reading over case files.

The blond man-Fai, Light remembered- was also oblivious, only to the envious stares being given by himself and Mello. He moved into the seat beside L, who finally glanced up and, through a mouthful of cake, said one word. "Hello." Then proceeded eat once more. Fai only smiled, finding the whole thing endearing.

"Now that that's over with, it's time for the assignment!" Yuuko stated cheerfully. "While we should start work on the play, I figure it can wait until tomorrow.

Light really didn't know whether to be relieved or upset.

"We're going to the roof to write about the sky."

Upset, definitely upset. He sucked at poetry.

* * *

Beyond Birthday loved English class, he really did. After all, his idol was in that class. He just happened to love hiding out somewhere he wasn't supposed to be even more. Unfortunately, one of the teachers caught him hanging out under one of the tables in the empty cafeteria, so he had to evacuate to a different location to continue his skipping.

Strolling through the halls, he spotted Ashura leaving the library. Convenient, right? He hitched his backpack-consequently filled with jam-and entered his new sanctuary.

* * *

Kurogane, being the great ninja that he was, noticed a number of things on their trek up to the roof, the first being that L and Fai, currently walking side by side, seemed to be getting along exceptionally well in some strange way. Secondly, he noticed the envious looks shot at Fai from the blonde he'd had to sit beside-Mello, was it?- and another pretty-boy teenager with auburn hair and chocolate eyes. He quickly decided he didn't care whether or not they were envious of Fai for L or L for Fai and noticed a third thing.

Fai had once again tensed up as they passed the principal of the school. Kurogane didn't know why the mage did it, whether it was anger or fear, but it was clear as day to him. Perhaps L wasn't as oblivious as he first seemed, because the side-glance given to Fai by him also didn't go unnoticed.

The fifth thing was perhaps most important, perhaps not. It was too early to tell. But as they passed by the school's library, Mokona's eyes bugged out, telling them the feather was near. Kurogane, thinking quickly, stood behind Sakura-Clow's Sakura-and gave Mokona a look to tell it he got the message.

The sixth and final thing he noticed was that the roof wasn't that high up. It wouldn't kill you if you fell, anyway.

* * *

Upon being asked, Beyond really wouldn't be able to answer exactly how it happened. He'd just been sitting in the Horror section, pawing strawberry jam out of a jar with his fingers, minding his own business, when a book suddenly came crashing down from the shelf he was leaning against directly onto his head.

"Fuck!"

That sums it up quite nicely, don't you think?

He quickly licked his fingers clean, efficiently ignoring the miniscule part of his conscience that was screaming at him for spreading germs, and picked the book up off the floor.

Scanning the title, he read something that didn't seem to belong in the horror section.

_Cinderella? A bit big for a Disney fairy tale, or so the throbbing in my head tells me._

He opened and flipped through it, admiring the gothic pictures provided here and there. It would seem he'd picked up quite the un-Disneyfied version of it, if the bloody scene on page 283 was any clue. It was in the right section. When he made it to the back cover, he noticed a feather stuck in the binding.

_Cute bookmark. Might be a decent read...guess I'll take it home with me._

And so, Beyond made off with an un-checked-out library book and bookmark, and exited the school.

* * *

The sky was bright, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the mage just WOULDN'T LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE!!!

Kurogane didn't even know how it started. He never did. It seemed to be his second nature to chase after the mage on a homicidal rampage. All of the students, instead of studying the sky and searching for poetic inspiration, were ooing and ahhing on Fai's ability to maneuver around Kurogane's attacks. Yuuko also looked on, snacking on a banana.

Watanuki was concerned, to say the least. He kept seeing the most malicious look in his benefactor's eyes, and that never bode well for anybody. It meant she was plotting.

"Shouldn't you try to stop them?" He asked hopefully.

"Nope." She grinned mischievously, throwing the banana peel in a random location.

"That's pollution." Watanuki curled his nose.

"Only if it's on dirt or grass."

Kurogane, of course, missed all that, which explains how he didn't know the peel was there when chasing the mage. It doesn't take L to tell what happened next. He slid - right into Takaki and Kyouga, who consequently fell over the edge of the balcony.

Panicked cries sounded as teens rushed to the balcony. Yuuko, smiling still, pulled out her cell phone and dialed 911. "Hello, Mr. Emergency Operator? This is a teacher at Horitsuba High School in Kurosa Prefecture. We're really just two blocks down from the ambulance dispatch. There are two students who had a bad bit of luck with gravity. We'd be grateful for you to get here as soon as possible. Thank you!"

"You sound cheery." Watanuki noticed.

"Don't you love it when a plan comes together?" Yuuko looked downright refreshed.

"You should see a psychiatrist...and stop watching A-Team reruns." He would've worried about his two classmates, currently moaning in agony as ambulance sirens became audible - they really were just two blocks away - but knew, with Yuuko being the cause of it all, they'd live. He really didn't want to know why she felt she had to instigate it, though…

"Alright, class!" Yuuko clapped to gain everyone's attention. "Obviously, the loss of Takaki and Kyouga are detrimental to our play, but I have a solution!" Naturally, some of the class was baffled at her ability to disregard the severity of the situation, but most weren't too surprised. It was Yuuko, after all.

"Kurogane!"

Slightly guilty, mostly not, Kurogane gave her a look that said he was listening.

"Fai!"

"Yes?" Fai's main problem was keeping the amusement out of his voice. He was a sucker when it came to Schadenfreude.

"As you two were the main ones at fault here, you must accept responsibility. Takaki was going to be the wicked stepsister, so, student or not, that job falls to you, Fai."

"As the lady wishes."

"Kurogane has to take Kyouga's place as well."

Kurogane groaned loudly. The day really couldn't get any worse. "And what was Kyouga?"

Yuuko's eyes seemed to glow in their mischief. Even Watanuki had trouble adjusting to the expression. It was a look only short of evil.

"Prince Charming." Not so bad. At least he wasn't a princess.

Poor Kurogane. It might well have been better for him if he had been. Somewhere in another dimension, Fortune Teller Tomoyo was laughing her head off.

* * *

So! That was long.

Next up!: Work on the play begins!

And as always, review please.


	4. Whistle While You Work

I have a whole bunch of excuses, but they sound lame even to my ears. Basically, I've been stupidly busy for the past, say, six months. Going to school while working a fulltime job and living with a grandma who doesn't let you stay up past 11 isn't smart, kids. Anyway, school's over. YAY! My goal? Updating all ongoing stories at least once a month. Hold me to it, people.

* * *

"_Margie, I have been meaning to ask you something."_

"_What is it, Steven?"_

"_Will you…will you marry me, Margie?"_

"_Oh! Yes! Oh, Stevey, yes!"_

"Oh, please." Kurogane honestly felt like vomiting after hearing such crackish lines emitting from the television before him. Funny thing was, he had nothing hindering him from changing the channel.

"_We'll be so happy together, Steven!"_

"_How could we not, Margie, when our love is so strong?"_

"_Oh, Steven!"_

"_Oh, Margie!"_

Cue sickening, sloppy kiss.

"Yeah, you'll live happily, all right," Kurogane muttered. "Just like the friggin' Fuccon Family. Ugh."

Sakura and Syaoran witnessed all of this from several feet away, becoming very concerned for their traveling companion's state of mind.

"What do you suppose is the matter with him, Syaoran-kun?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say it was the play."

"But he wasn't so disturbed by it on the roof."

"Yes, but I somehow doubt he believed he'd really have to do it." Sakura looked questioningly at him. "We'd already discovered the feather, remember?"

"Oh! He assumed we'd find the feather in the library and be able to change dimensions!" Syaoran couldn't help but find it cute how she made it seem like she was telling him something he didn't know. "But the feather wasn't there on our way back, so he's left to pay for the consequences of his actions!"

"Shh!" Syaoran really didn't want Kurogane to know they were talking about him behind his back. In fact, that would kind of defeat the whole purpose, morals be damned. Even Syaoran had a rude side that needed airing out every now and then.

"Hmm…perhaps we should help him?…Somehow?"

"No. I'm sure he'll be fine, Sakura-hime. Besides, I think Fai-san was the one who got the bad end of the deal. You realize he's going to be wearing a dress?" The idea of the blonde in a dress made the two teenagers giggle slightly until they actually conjured a picture in their minds.

"…I somehow feel that Fai-san will be just fine as well."

"I…believe you are correct, Syaoran-kun.

…...

Inside a dirty old shack not ten miles away, jam-coated hands turned page after page. Red eyes scanned the words printed on paper, drinking up gory details with sweet relish. Undisneyfied, indeed! Prince Charming was completely bloodthirsty, the stepmother and stepsisters were slave-drivers, whips included, the other servants were groveling, pathetic souls on the verge of death, and the whole country was in shambles because the king wanted to pick a fight with every other country bordering it. Cinderella herself was downright depressing.

Beyond had just finished reading the part where the prince killed one country's leader in a rather risqué fashion, only to cut off his head and send it home to his father so that he might hang it next to their flag on the castle wall to prove what a man he was. It was actually quite a disturbing book. Which explained why Beyond was still reading it.

It was in the middle of the next scene, where the stepmother was violently beating a servant for trimming her roses too thin and Cinderella was crying for him, that Beyond made a wish. He wished that he could make the play they were performing more like this book in his hands. Of course, he regretted making such a silly wish instantly, even if only in his head. Sighing quietly, he laid back on the futon, putting the book on the floor next to it, and proceeded to close his eyes for the night.

While this action made him blind to the flash of light that emitted from the book, it unfortunately did not make him deaf to the rustling of papers. Slowly, he turned his head around. And what should he see but the back of the book and the feathery bookmark taped to it, glowing like a lantern?

Now, Beyond was smart. He was arguably every bit as smart as L, if he would care enough to try. However, Beyond was also incredibly dumb in his curiosity. His curiosity had ended the lives of countless small animals and a few sizeable ones, and will undoubtedly lead to his undoing as well, if his strange form of pride and ego doesn't first.

So, it should come as no surprise, then, that he stretched his arm out, reaching for the feather and fully expecting it to be scalding hot. As his fingers curled around the object and pulled it easily from the tape binding it, he found that this was not the case. Instead, he felt a strange power flowing into him, of the likes he'd never felt before. It went on like this for a good minute or so, and then it was all over, in more ways than one.

Blinking, Beyond looked down to his outstretched hand and found it empty. He felt good. He felt _really _good. Grinning, he sat up. He somehow knew that he wouldn't be getting any sleep that night.

…...

Misa was in rather good spirits that morning. She had gotten to school early to barter with her fellow female classmates for the position of Fairy Guardian Costume Designer-a position neither of the other two realized existed, apparently. They simply told her she had full reign on Raito's outfit without hesitation. She didn't even have to threaten them or let them borrow her goth-loli clothes! Humming a cheerful ditty, she spotted little Near going up the steps of the building.

Now, Misa wasn't very bright. Really, she was just plain stupid most of the time. The only reason she was in Honors English was because of her obsession with Raito and her ability to gather dirt on poor little Matt-not that it was hard to get dirt on the not-so-secret chain smoker.

Disregarding that for now, Misa was a bit slow on the details. And yet, even she, Miss Oblivious, herself, knew chatting it up with quiet Near was about as possible as going through numerous GAP stores and finding something she actually liked. However, she felt like doing the impossible today, and so up she went, calling Near's name in her loud, obnoxious fashion, making it impossible for the boy to ignore.

Sighing quietly to himself, Near looked up to the buxom teen before him. "Yes, Misa-san?"

"Near-kun? I was kinda wondering how you were doing on the script for the play."

Near stared.

"I mean, are you giving the fairy guardian a lot of lines? Because he's pretty important in the story, and he really needs a lot of lines."

Still staring.

"And I think it's only right that he gets a scene to himself. He's just so cool, you know?" She giggled.

His eyes may or may not have grown larger in the short time he was staring.

"…"

"…"

"…I'll give you my younger cousin's new Optimus Prime action figure."

"Throw in Starscream and Megatron, and you have yourself a deal."

…...

Near, himself, was in unusually good spirits that morning, not that you could tell looking at the stoic young boy. So far, he had been promised two diverse Optimus Prime figures, Starscream, Megatron, the three newest Gundam mobile suits, and the original Power Rangers joined suit. The Star Wars legos and pink power ranger were just icing on the cake. And to think, all he had to do in return was give Raito more lines, not make Mello look like a blathering idiot-as if he needed any help from him-, let Syaoran have at least one line as squire (yes, even Sakura put herself on the bandwagon), and cut back on the lines for the narrator (Matsuda was never very good when it came to memorizing stuff). Yes, it was a very good day to be Near. And all of this bartering happened before the class had even started for the day! Entering the door to what he now proclaimed as Heaven, visions of robots and puzzles danced in the young genius' head.

"No, Kuro-perv! You can't molest me in public!"

"What the $&*! What's your problem, you-you-YOU!"

But first he had to get the lowdown on the class's newest members. With this in mind, he kept out of the way of the two flailing adults and made his way to his seat at the front. Why Raito gave up such a great spot was beyond him…rather…it wasn't. An idea began to form, but it was only a baby plot bunny. He looked around for more inspiration. Syaoran Li and Sakura Kinomoto were chatting it up with their look-a-likes while Tomoyo measured Syaoran for his squire costume. Misa was doing the same thing to Raito, and he seemed very uncomfortable with it. Misa's persistent bloody nose might have had something to do with the creeped out face. Near momentarily entertained the thought of assisting the soon-to-be fairy guardian, then thought better of it when he noticed him looking nervously at L, as if the young detective would abandon his cake, jump out of his chair, and accuse Raito of being unfaithful. Snorting, Near turned his attention on L.

Examining 'Cinderella', Near found himself somewhat…disillusioned. Now, he admired L, that much was true, but…well, a fairy tale princess, he was not. Turning from the slouching young man eating cake, he focused on 'Prince Charming', currently shouting colorful words and threats to the 'Wicked Stepsister'. Honestly, those two were like an old married couple. No, they were more like two preschoolers who were too shy to tell each other they liked them and ended up picking on them instead. And so he went.

Mello was groaning about something or other to Matt, who was pretending to listen over his earphones and loud hammer-the scenery was already in progress.

Matsuda looked stressed over a few simple basic math problems-which was actually Trigonometry, but math itself was basic to Near.

Miss Yuuko was talking loudly into her cell phone, as if she were a delinquent student and not the teacher.

Watanuki appeared rather upset and was writing 'I don't miss him!', 'stupid jerk', 'Mr. No-face', and other similar nonsense all over his notebook.

At this point, Near stopped. He counted sixteen people, and that included himself, the two new students, and the teacher. There was a student missing.

'_But who…?'_

"Ku-ku-ku-ku-ku!"

Near blinked at the creepy, quiet laugh. It reminded him of something…

'_Come on, Near! Aren't you supposed to have an exceptional memory?'_

That thought was quickly thrown aside as unimportant as Beyond leaned down to whisper in his ear. "If you add one or two bloody scenes and a bit of fan service with Eru-chan in a dress, I'll give you the entirety of my Sgt. Frog action figure collection."

"…The entire…?"

"All of it."

"Sergeant Keroro?"

"Un-huh."

"Corporal Giroro?"

"With his beloved Natsumi."

"And Fuyuki and Momoka and Dororo and Tamama and-"

"Yes, yes, all of it. Even my personal favorite, Kululu."

Near's eyes widened. Beyond was even willing to give up his counterpart, the sadistic Kululu! Suddenly, Near was torn. He looked at Beyond, then darted his eyes to L. Beyond, L, Beyond, L…

"Throw in Human!Sumomo and I'll make sure L-san gives you a show you'll never forget!"

"I did say all of it." Beyond reached down and shook Near's hand, then slouched to his seat.

Near was about ready to scream with joy, but he knew he'd ruin his image, so he settled for a creepy smirk.

'_L makes a lousy princess, but is feminine in his own way. 'Prince Charming' has a violent crush on said princess' stepsister, who antagonizes him. 'Fairy Guardian' secretly wants to molest 'Cinderella'. 'Neighboring Prince' is somewhat messed up in the head and the announcer is slightly dim-witted. Hmm…'_

Creepy grin intensifying times ten, Near opened the top of his desk and pulled out a notebook and pencil. As it so happened, Mello had gotten up to retrieve a paper airplane, so he was in Near's vicinity when he heard the albino say something that sent chills down his spine.

"This is going to be so much fun."

…...

Beyond's smirk matched Near's. It was certainly true that things had progressed easily. Beyond may have had certain new…abilities, but he was no writer. He needed a bit of help with his plan.

'_Heh. As if I'd ever give Kululu away. The others, sure, but Kululu, Giroro and Natsumi are all mine. Ku-ku-ku-ku-ku!'_

Beyond stopped for a moment and wondered momentarily about the fact that he was giving a Kululu laugh inside his head, then decided he was crazy anyway and it didn't really matter all that much.

'_You're right about one thing, Neary-dear. This will be fun.'_

* * *

Ahh...I don't own Sgt. Frog either. Sorry about that. And yes, Beyond called L Eru-chan.

NEXT!: Fai, the Detective?


End file.
